you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
