Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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