According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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