My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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