I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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