The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
