she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
