I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
