Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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