I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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