I don't remember. Are we still dating?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
