You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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