so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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