im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Fuck appropriateness.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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