Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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