I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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