Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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