i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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