: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I still have a little drunk in my system
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
