Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
