I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
