how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
