she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
