I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
