she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
