Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
