I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
