Where did you get a picture of my penis
Me too!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
