oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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