I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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