he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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