The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
