Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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