probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
