if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
