I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
