??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
