I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
