seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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