I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
