well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize