We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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