someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
