I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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