man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
