Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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