just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
