Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
