so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
