that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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