When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
