we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
