So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
