Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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