he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
