Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
