sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
