I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
