around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize