haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
