I have demons in me.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
