I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
