One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
