You can't special order awesome
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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