idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
