Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
