Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
