he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
